Chi Huynh’s Story
When I was twelve years old, my mother held my hand, walked me down the dirt road in the dark, and said to me, “Tonight I am going to take you to a boat, and this boat will take you to a new land with hope and a brighter future for you. I cannot come with you now, but when you arrive there, your brother will be waiting for you, and I will see you soon, understand?”
Well, when you are twelve years old, you trust whatever your mother says to you. I found myself on a tiny boat that carried 45 people, leaving Vietnam illegally. The night was dark and rainy, and the thunderous waves of the ocean were beating our boat with a violent, angry voice that terrified me.
This went on for quite a few hours, when suddenly, the boat’s engine stopped. Burnt out and broken, it left us adrift in this vast and stormy sea. Now facing the greatest fear that anyone sailing the ocean can face, our only hope was for a fisherman or other commercial boat to rescue us. But there was no one in sight. I had never been so scared, so I started to pray. I prayed to God, Jesus, Buddha, my ancestors, and anyone else I could think of. “Please don’t let me die in this ocean. I want to live.”
Several days went by, and no one’s prayers were answered. We ran out of food and water. I had never been so thirsty and dehydrated. At times, I was so thirsty, I would say to myself, “I wish I could have a cold glass of water and drink it, and then you can put a gun to my head and kill me. I would take that glass of water, and I would die happy.”
The hunger, the thirst, and the hopelessness caused me to think of someone to blame for my suffering. But there was no one to blame, so I blamed God for being cruel to me. “I have done nothing to deserve this punishment,” I said to myself, “There is no God. God would not do this to me. I am just a boy. If God existed, He would come and rescue me. Where is he?!”
Even cursed at him, “To Hell with you, God! I no longer believe in you.” A few days later, all we had left was the last teaspoon of water to share among my two brothers and two other sisters. We even drank our own urine and bore the bitterness of the ocean water.
Then one morning, we saw a big boat on the horizon. Our first sight of hope! We took off our clothes and created a fire to get their attention. I cannot describe how excited we were when we saw them coming our way. They took us on their big boat and fed us, and we were happy. The next morning, we realized that they had only taken us up on their boat so that they could take everything of value from our boat. They gave us water to drink and let us shower, only to steal our jewelry, gold, and any other valuables we’d brought on our boat in the hopes of starting a new life. Yes, they were professional pirates. They were only looking to prey on desperate people who had brought their life’s possessions with them. To their eyes, we were nothing more than a floating bank. They took what they wanted and set us adrift on our boat once again.
As the days went by, we realized there were more pirate ships out there on the ocean, and eventually, we would have nothing left for them to take. The sight of a boat coming our way was no longer a beacon of hope but a vision of fear. Eventually, I realized, “This is it. I’m going to die young in this ocean. I have no more hope. All I have is acceptance of the fact that I will die here.” I then jumped into the ocean to swim away from the boat. I figured I would have a good bath and enjoy the few minutes I had left to live. I realized I was no longer afraid to die once I had accepted it. I was already dead. And by facing death, I had lost my hope and my fear. Then suddenly, it started to rain! With nothing left to drink on our boat, the heavens decided to dump water all over us, which meant we could all live a few more days. We had been drifting for thirteen days now. I could feel my skinny bones showing up on my body – bones I had not known were there before. My shorts were starting to fall from my waist, and I had to tie a knot to keep them on. But I was not afraid anymore.
One strange morning, we woke up, surprised to see a small fishing boat coming very close to us. The captain of this boat called out, “Do you want to die here? The current in this region of the sea moves in a circular motion. It will take you nowhere.” We had been wondering why we had drifted for so long and never found land. The captain continued, “Let me take you out of here.” And yes, he kept his word. He towed us to Thailand and asked for nothing in return. He did not even want to give us his name.
After eighteen days at sea, I saw the shore in the distance. Hope was restored. The most beautiful thing I saw that morning was dirt. Yes, dirt! I knelt down, grasped a handful of dirt, and kissed the ground. I took a deep breath, and I realized that just being able to breathe this air and walk on this dirt – this Earth – is the greatest gift of life.
From that day on, I’ve wanted nothing more than life itself. Everything I’ve gained in my life has been a bonus to me. My brush with death had set me free.